Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Part 2 (continuation from last friday)
Well, this didn't take long. She replied back and asked more questions. Following is the series of emails that were exchanged.
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Curious Girl: since your religion doesn't permit you to date, how do you eventually get marriend? Someobdy once told me a lil about how it all happens but I'd like to hear your side.
My response: That marriage question is a very good and logical question (sorry to get all after school special).
There are different ways people get married who are Muslim. Because you have Muslims all over the world, from Indonesia to Bosnia, there are cultural things that come in. Therefore, you will find people marrying in different wayz, anywhere from arrange marriages to full open dating. But the majority of the Muslims marry in the 'Islamic way.'
I think we'd all agree that marrying someone your parents picked out or someone you have never seen or met in your life is just as ridiculous as saying that a couple has to live and sleep together for years to realize they are compatible with each other. Extremes are never the way to go.
Therefore, the middle path is the best where the guy and girl interested can meet and get to know each other but within boundaries and limitations. Islam (the religion's name) doesn't say don't meet or talk to a girl but rather encourages it. Obviously, this encouragement doesn't go as far as saying sleep together (I don't think any religion sayz that) but to the extent that you get to know what she is like and decide if you want to marry her.
Plus it's a totally different mentality when you meet someone and you know they are not just trying to have fun and get you into bed (this is from girls side). So I feel there is more honesty from both sides when that happen because you're actually thinking longer term instead of just a month long fling or 'we'll see where it goes.'
I hope that answers your question.
Curious Girl: So pretty much, the female has to be muslim too? Someone did mention to me that when ever the couple would get together, there had to be someone else there to watch over the two. So how long does this dating go on for? This way of dating, like you said is very honest. Which is a definitely good thing especially coming from the girls side. So would you have to tell your parents that your interested in someone first? Or how does that work?
My response: Actually, the female can be Christian or a Jew as long as she is of a good reputation.
The parents don't have to necessarily know but whats to hide if a person is not planning anythign sneaky?? For example, if I'm interested in a girl, I'll let her parents know that I'm interested so they don't feel I'm trying to hide anything. Because when you give the impression that you're hiding something, people tend to think its because you're deoing something wrong. But since you're not, no reason to hide!!
Its true that someone has to be present when the couple meet. This is just to ensure that the guy does not cross any boundaries (you see, we can't really be trusted!!). Also, that third person presence ensures that one person is not taking advantage of the other which could be done very easily if alone.
Now as to how long this goes on for?? Depends on the couple. Usually, if the couple have sort of known each other from before (ie. They were in the same school, worked together etc), then the meeting don't have to be that many but if they compeletly don't know each other....well, they wouldn't be meeting in that case to begin with because they never knew each other!!!!
This way you are ensuring that you are meeting an honest person from both sides.
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I'll post part 3 insha Allah, if there is one.
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Curious Girl: since your religion doesn't permit you to date, how do you eventually get marriend? Someobdy once told me a lil about how it all happens but I'd like to hear your side.
My response: That marriage question is a very good and logical question (sorry to get all after school special).
There are different ways people get married who are Muslim. Because you have Muslims all over the world, from Indonesia to Bosnia, there are cultural things that come in. Therefore, you will find people marrying in different wayz, anywhere from arrange marriages to full open dating. But the majority of the Muslims marry in the 'Islamic way.'
I think we'd all agree that marrying someone your parents picked out or someone you have never seen or met in your life is just as ridiculous as saying that a couple has to live and sleep together for years to realize they are compatible with each other. Extremes are never the way to go.
Therefore, the middle path is the best where the guy and girl interested can meet and get to know each other but within boundaries and limitations. Islam (the religion's name) doesn't say don't meet or talk to a girl but rather encourages it. Obviously, this encouragement doesn't go as far as saying sleep together (I don't think any religion sayz that) but to the extent that you get to know what she is like and decide if you want to marry her.
Plus it's a totally different mentality when you meet someone and you know they are not just trying to have fun and get you into bed (this is from girls side). So I feel there is more honesty from both sides when that happen because you're actually thinking longer term instead of just a month long fling or 'we'll see where it goes.'
I hope that answers your question.
Curious Girl: So pretty much, the female has to be muslim too? Someone did mention to me that when ever the couple would get together, there had to be someone else there to watch over the two. So how long does this dating go on for? This way of dating, like you said is very honest. Which is a definitely good thing especially coming from the girls side. So would you have to tell your parents that your interested in someone first? Or how does that work?
My response: Actually, the female can be Christian or a Jew as long as she is of a good reputation.
The parents don't have to necessarily know but whats to hide if a person is not planning anythign sneaky?? For example, if I'm interested in a girl, I'll let her parents know that I'm interested so they don't feel I'm trying to hide anything. Because when you give the impression that you're hiding something, people tend to think its because you're deoing something wrong. But since you're not, no reason to hide!!
Its true that someone has to be present when the couple meet. This is just to ensure that the guy does not cross any boundaries (you see, we can't really be trusted!!). Also, that third person presence ensures that one person is not taking advantage of the other which could be done very easily if alone.
Now as to how long this goes on for?? Depends on the couple. Usually, if the couple have sort of known each other from before (ie. They were in the same school, worked together etc), then the meeting don't have to be that many but if they compeletly don't know each other....well, they wouldn't be meeting in that case to begin with because they never knew each other!!!!
This way you are ensuring that you are meeting an honest person from both sides.
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I'll post part 3 insha Allah, if there is one.
Faraz Ahmed 5:12 p.m.