Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Mr. and Mrs. Falcon
Two peregrine falcons occupy a summer home in an abandoned tower in front of my office. Mostly satisfied with flying in the clouds marked by occasional nose dives in search of prey, their presence is welcomed in an otherwise un-hospitable environment.
But a few days back, something managed to break their usual silence in favor of loud screeching. They flew back and forth from their nest, dipping and plunging in contrast to their casual flyovers that we had become accustomed to. At one point, they barely avoided colliding into each other. After much discussion and debate about their unrulybehavior, we decided it was a simple case of trouble in paradise (ie. marital spat) :-)
I listened to a Siraj Wahaj lecture in which he remarked he has never come across a person who didn’t have a defect in their character -- including the most pious scholars. So looking for the perfect person in marriage is a futile and foolish search. Those who are married and others soon-to-be insha Allah have to realize their spouse is a package deal; we might like certain attributes and dislike others.
It was an interesting point he brought up which in hindsight seems like common sense. After giving it some thought, I realized that certain traits have to be identified that we, as individuals with unique preferences, value highly. So instead of looking for a spouse that is ‘perfect,’ we need to narrow down our search to those possessing the traits that we are fond of.
Of course, they will have shortcomings like any person walking on the face of this earth. But the focus should be on the positive characteristics that we are attracted to while ensuring the defective traits are of a tolerable nature and perhaps even changeable over time.
But a few days back, something managed to break their usual silence in favor of loud screeching. They flew back and forth from their nest, dipping and plunging in contrast to their casual flyovers that we had become accustomed to. At one point, they barely avoided colliding into each other. After much discussion and debate about their unrulybehavior, we decided it was a simple case of trouble in paradise (ie. marital spat) :-)
I listened to a Siraj Wahaj lecture in which he remarked he has never come across a person who didn’t have a defect in their character -- including the most pious scholars. So looking for the perfect person in marriage is a futile and foolish search. Those who are married and others soon-to-be insha Allah have to realize their spouse is a package deal; we might like certain attributes and dislike others.
It was an interesting point he brought up which in hindsight seems like common sense. After giving it some thought, I realized that certain traits have to be identified that we, as individuals with unique preferences, value highly. So instead of looking for a spouse that is ‘perfect,’ we need to narrow down our search to those possessing the traits that we are fond of.
Of course, they will have shortcomings like any person walking on the face of this earth. But the focus should be on the positive characteristics that we are attracted to while ensuring the defective traits are of a tolerable nature and perhaps even changeable over time.
Faraz Ahmed 9:55 a.m.