Tales of a Solitary Soul

Back in Edmonton where I belong. The place that shaped my memories and dreams.

How many a people I met whose faces have been blurred with the decay of time, their names forgotten. Like the passing wind, you feel their warmth for an instant knowing full well their temporary nature. But then there are those that leave their impressions so deep, you wonder what would life be without?

Sooner or later, through the natural progression of life, they all become a distant memory. Its not a matter of choice but a certainty that is as brutal as death. I can't stop it and neither can you. All we can do is create an impression.......

......and hope the marks are still visible after time has withered away everything familiar......everything that we hold dear.

Well, this didn't take long. She replied back and asked more questions. Following is the series of emails that were exchanged.
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Curious Girl: since your religion doesn't permit you to date, how do you eventually get marriend? Someobdy once told me a lil about how it all happens but I'd like to hear your side.

My response: That marriage question is a very good and logical question (sorry to get all after school special).

There are different ways people get married who are Muslim. Because you have Muslims all over the world, from Indonesia to Bosnia, there are cultural things that come in. Therefore, you will find people marrying in different wayz, anywhere from arrange marriages to full open dating. But the majority of the Muslims marry in the 'Islamic way.'

I think we'd all agree that marrying someone your parents picked out or someone you have never seen or met in your life is just as ridiculous as saying that a couple has to live and sleep together for years to realize they are compatible with each other. Extremes are never the way to go.

Therefore, the middle path is the best where the guy and girl interested can meet and get to know each other but within boundaries and limitations. Islam (the religion's name) doesn't say don't meet or talk to a girl but rather encourages it. Obviously, this encouragement doesn't go as far as saying sleep together (I don't think any religion sayz that) but to the extent that you get to know what she is like and decide if you want to marry her.

Plus it's a totally different mentality when you meet someone and you know they are not just trying to have fun and get you into bed (this is from girls side). So I feel there is more honesty from both sides when that happen because you're actually thinking longer term instead of just a month long fling or 'we'll see where it goes.'

I hope that answers your question.

Curious Girl: So pretty much, the female has to be muslim too? Someone did mention to me that when ever the couple would get together, there had to be someone else there to watch over the two. So how long does this dating go on for? This way of dating, like you said is very honest. Which is a definitely good thing especially coming from the girls side. So would you have to tell your parents that your interested in someone first? Or how does that work?

My response: Actually, the female can be Christian or a Jew as long as she is of a good reputation.

The parents don't have to necessarily know but whats to hide if a person is not planning anythign sneaky?? For example, if I'm interested in a girl, I'll let her parents know that I'm interested so they don't feel I'm trying to hide anything. Because when you give the impression that you're hiding something, people tend to think its because you're deoing something wrong. But since you're not, no reason to hide!!

Its true that someone has to be present when the couple meet. This is just to ensure that the guy does not cross any boundaries (you see, we can't really be trusted!!). Also, that third person presence ensures that one person is not taking advantage of the other which could be done very easily if alone.

Now as to how long this goes on for?? Depends on the couple. Usually, if the couple have sort of known each other from before (ie. They were in the same school, worked together etc), then the meeting don't have to be that many but if they compeletly don't know each other....well, they wouldn't be meeting in that case to begin with because they never knew each other!!!!

This way you are ensuring that you are meeting an honest person from both sides.
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I'll post part 3 insha Allah, if there is one.

Another week starts and will pass faster than I'd care to remember. Post-school depression offers a glimpse and let me tell you it ain't pretty. Its just the adjustment phase.....or so I tell myself.

I've lately been thinking of taking side courses......no, not engineering courses (come on now, I don't miss school that much) but rather in things like French and horticulture. Insha Allah, I'll be signing up for the correspondence Islamic classes that are offered by SunniPath. Now it's just a matter of getting a laptop.

Talked to the company about getting a discount from IBM but that will only happen if I decide to buy the $4000 package which by the way includes finger print identification and a security chip that can be tracked from anywhere in the world.....but since I don't work for the CIA, I don't think I will need those features!!

French classes shoudn'tbe too hard to find considering they are offered in community colleges around the country but the horticulture ones might be a bit tricky (the reason for taking the classes is so I will have some vague idea of what to do next time I'm forced to work in the backyard).

An interesting tale to narrate:

A university friend emailed me out of the blue the other day. She's also working in Calgary for her co-op term and we briefly chatted about the first three weeks in Calgary. Upon her invitation to 'hit up' a bar on friday night, I had the standard response:

"Me no drink alcohol so me no go to bars." (but with proper grammar)

Then she replied maybe we could visit a club to which I mentioned that I'm not much of a dancer or a clubber for that matter.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere she posed the question: 'Are you Muslim?'

This caught me slightly off-guard. Upon my further inquiry as to why she asked that, her response was:

"like how you guys are not allowed to date, forbidden to drink, how the girls are suppose to be covered up and yah. crazy stuff."

She further added:

"hmm...no, no muslim friends until this year. It's just such a strict religion, I guess probably cuz I'm not muslim and never grew up with those values and beliefs so it just sounds outrageous to me. But how do you feel about it? Do your parents force it on you? Or do you freely believe in it?"

My response:

"Most people think they these 'rules' are forced on by the parents and a lot of times its true.

But just like you can force a horse to water but can't force him to drink it, similarly, you can enforce all the lawz on your kid that you want but unless he personally believes in it or sees the advantages that they offer, he/she is going to let go off it sooner or later.

Therefore, I'd say that I believe in it freely because I'm all the way across in calgary and can do anythign I want w/out my parents finding out but yet I don't. It's not because I fear my parents but I see that following my religion offers me advantages that I don't have.

Think of it this way, you go to university and are getting an education. Did you parents force you?? Maybe. But its also possible that they made you see the wide array of possibilities that will be open for you if you get a good education.

Therefore, now instead of your parents forcing education on you, you have seen the advantages for your self and are self-motivated even though there are dayz you hate engineering/univ. and there are dayz that you don't want to show up to classes cuz you've had enough but yet you do.

Why? Because you realize that it’s just a few years and after that you can sleep in all you want or have all the fun :-)

Similarly, if someone mentioned that in your life, you can take path X which is initially hard and there are difficulties but if you get through them, you will have the best of time and all your worries will go away. Or you can can path Y that initially seems very attractive but sooner or later will lead to great hardships. Which one would you choose?

I hope I'm making sense :-)"

She didn't reply after that but lets see how she behaves next time we see each other. She seems like a smart girl but when you are twenty-something old, society tells us this is not the time to think about useless things like religion but rather live it up. And we go on following that advice, convinced life is too short and the only way to live it is to squeeze every second of it.

But one day you wake up in a 6 bedroom house in an upscale neighbourhood with three garages, a boat, 3 bank accounts, 10 credit cards.......but you realize that something is missing.

A co-worker in my last work term once asked me (he was by the way the lead engineer on our project with a very hefty salary):

'What is our purpose? We grow up to get an education and a job just so we can buy all the things that show up on our TV. Is that why we are here?'

Keep in mind that we've never talked about religion or anything of that sort.

I didn't really know what to say back to him. I left him but his words never left me......

I don't think they ever will.

Spending a weekend with the brothers at the leadership conference was just the medication that I needed. Harsh reality was starting to catch up after a week of lonely evenings spent reading and pacing about back and forth till a head rush would force me to sit down. But no more!!!

I've been asked to help setup GIVE in Calgary and about time it is. I've been itching to do any kind of Islamic work in Calgary that would get me acquainted with the Muslim community here but it has been to not much avail. But insha Allah this presents the perfect oppurtunity to meet the crop of Calgary Islamic workers.

On a side note, I had a blast with the guyz from Calgary that travelled to Edmonton. But i'll say one thing: you WILL NOT find the kind of people that are in edmonton anywhere else. It begs an interesting question though. Did they all come together as a result of all the hard work that has been done the last few years??

Whatever it is, it sets us apart from pretty much any city in Canada.

Excitement is reaching new heights with the GIVE video that we will insha Allah being showing to everyone in the October conference. Its our one year anniversary and just the perfect time go big. I realize this was a big thorn in the sides of some people that GIVE doesn't do big events with more volunteers and hype and media coverage and so on. What most people don't realize is that you can't run before you walk and you can't walk before you run. There fore we needed a phase where our events were of small to medium size in order for us to learn and be efficient in our tasks. Now, I truly do feel ready to have bigger events and thats only because of the hard work that was put in to consolidate the foundation and make sure the building doesn't crumble on the first sign of an earthquake.

I realize a lot of the stuff I'm saying probably doesn't make much sense but time is little and I've got much to say. Some things are better explained 1-on-1 but I have to spill my heart somewhere (even if it doesn't make sense) considering my life consists of me, myself, and I right now.

Trapped in this vicious cycle of work-home-work, life seems to have come at a standstill. Plenty of time to ponder but it only leads to a realization of how little I have accomplished.

The road seems long......

Money is a big force in our lives and yet we don't even realize it. As a kid, I still remember thinking to myself on how I will give so much to charity and a good cause 'once I had enough money.' But the question is what is enough money? Is it when you have a 3-garage house and a boat or how about when you're surviving hand to mouth?

I've come to realize there is never enough money. The human thirst is unquenchable and those who wait for the fires to burn out before acting never do act. I'm pretty sure in the eyes of Allah (swt), donating $5 when you only have $50 in the bank is better than donating $20 with a $1000 stored up.

I'll always have excuses: I'm only a student so I have to pay my tuition; I need a car; I need a house; I'm married so time to save.....the list goes on.

I invest. I invest in 'bonds' that have unlimited returns.
I spend. I spend in a way that only increases my wealth.
I give. I give because there is no other way to live.

The road seems long........

But its how I travel that will determine its end.

Walking down the once familiar hallwayz of Ainlay brought back a sudden rush of memories though not of the same effect as they once were. Not much had changed though and I suppose it never will. Different people but same stories.

Two girls hugging their books walked passed me in a hurry as if laws of physics would change if they didn't arrive on time to class. Another one dressed up like a soap opera star I had seen a couple of weeks back when I unfortunately decided to watch tv during day time.

"I can't believe they let her wear that to school!" I wondered to myself. With the assistant principal being a mormon, I was surprised he would allow that but then again public schools should be devoid of any moral restrictions, or so I am told.

Further to my left on the stairs of the infamous 'rotunda' sat a group that has been frozen in times and the roles played out perfectly year after year. I knew that spot very well being a part of it back in the day but even then its temporary status was well known to me; equal in length to its fleeting image that has made home in some random corner of my mind all these years later.

If a list is made of the people whom have sat around in the rotunda because they had spares or just decided to skip class (for the sole reason of sitting there....yes, such people did exist), where are most of them now. What are they doing?? Maybe a handful are successful and a couple even went on to become great Islamic workers but how goes the story for the rest??

It's a story that's as old as the school itself. Every year, a generation comes whose apex of life is represented by their high school lives. How many people they knew, how many girls liked them, how much 'back-up' they had, what people thought of them, how many people were on their msn list........I can go on for dayz.

Sooner or later, they will come to the same realization that rest of us have.....its just a passing moment!!

All I can do is hope that it comes sooner rather than later.

Finally shed the laziness and took an hour long trip to the musallah (temporary mosque) on the other side of town. It was nice to pray in congregation again to be re-juvenated and even had some alone time to read Quran...a trip certainly worth it!!

Showed up late to work today thanx to all the packing I had to do in the morning for the trip home tonite. Though I doubt anybody noticed that I wasn't here. I've realized all I have to do is leave my computer on and not even show up and people will keep thinking that I'm just away from my desk....welcome to the corporate world.

Katrina, Katrina, Katrina........she's all over the news. I read that the mayor of New Orleans called it their 'Asian tsunami.' I strongly disagree to that considering its a total disrespect to what happened last year.

How can you compare a few hundred dead to a quarter million??? Atleast the people of Louisiana can claim the damages from their insurance....what do you say to the victims of the Asian tsunami who have never even heard of the word insurance? The fact that they not only lost family members but also have no houses, no compensation, and their governments are too corrupt and poor to help them in any way.

So the people of New Orleans will get their power back in few weeks.....there was no power to begin with in the tsunami hit regions. How much of a furore had begun when someone had compared the conditions of Palestinian people to those of Jews in Nazi Germany and rightly so. Even though Palestinian people have greatly suffered, its not to the scale of mass gass chambers of the Holocaust.

What is happening in Louisiana is certainly a great tragedy but lets not lose perspective. Disasters happen all over the world but its a sad reality that some are just more important than others. Why?

I wish I knew......