Tales of a Solitary Soul

I'll be the first to admit that the quality of this blog has gone downhill in the last while. But you have to understand that writing is not a skill that comes easily to me. In order to come up with something worthwhile, I have to spend quite a bit of time.

Think of my writing quality as a function of time with an exponential term that only kicks in once I pass the 'threshold' which represents the minimum time required to come up with a half-decent post.

And when I don't have that time, I have two options: Post something random without much thought or don't post at all.

Insha Allah, I'm working on something interesting so give me a couple of days for it to be completely ready. Meanwhile, enjoy this random post that didn't pass the minimum threshold time :-)

There are three things I despise:

1) dis-organization in Islamic work

2) why do we have to get stuck with hockey goalies that can't stop a beach ball if their life depended on it. I mean, Dwayne Roloson was suppose to be the solution to our problems, the one man that'll take Oilers to the next level and not just a team content on making the playoffs.

But, last night they gave up a 2-1 third period lead to a team that's 4 spots below on the standings table. I don't care how the defense played or not, but great goalies stand on their head when the team really needs it. Look at Calgary, they have nothing but a great goalie and they're no. 3 in the conference. Why do I always get stuck cheering for the loser team?

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.

3) last month of school

Sometimes I think I know too much.
Other times I realize I think too much.

But the realization itself is a product of the over-thinking caused by knowing more than I should but not nearly enough.

So what came first or does it really matter because the arrow has left the bow. I tried living in a bubble but that didn't last long. Apparently, they're no match for arrows.

Now I'm stuck with a bow and countless arrows but no bubble of my own. So, I look for one, hunt for one, search for one.........desperate for one. But none are strong enough.

Verily, life is full of suprises because you see, the more we think, the more we know; the more we know, the more we realize. Realize what?

That indeed, life is full of surprises :-)

I'm not sure what came over me when I decided to walk it from the Heritage bus stop to my house -- a distance of about 2-3 km. The bus was not due for another hour and there was much to think about if not decide.

Considering the weather that blitzed us a couple of days back, my little adventure could be termed madness but in my defense, it was a fairly calm night with little wind and light but steady snow flakes performing downward spirals like an Olympic figure skater.

I keep re-assuring myself that only a month of school left before I disappear for 8-months. Well, not literally but disappear off campus atleast. But the strange part is that after a few months at work, I know I'll miss school. Not school per se but more the atmosphere of being with brothers, praying in jama'h, attending events like IAW, etc.

It's deja vu all over again. High school were good times but there came a point where it became pointless. Sooner or later, we all come to that phase where we realize that it's time to move on, be it from high school or university. I don't think I'm at the point of wanting to finish university and leave, but it's getting close.....very close.

Every time I come back from a work term, a similar pattern follows: the first month is usually spent on sheer excitement of meeting the new faces of MSA and catching up with classmates followed by a month of realizing how far back I've fallen in my courses because the first month was spent 'socializing.'

This only leads into an even worse third month, characterisitcs of which are late evening university study sessions and the dreaded fourth month during which all heck breaks loose.

Where am I now? In transition from the 3rd to 4th.

Cracks have begun to appear on the door and it's only a matter of time before the great flood of exams drowns and spits me out like a chewed piece of gum. Sometimes I wish I was born during the golden era of the Islamic Empire, a time when not engineering nor sciences but Islamic degrees were placed at the mantle and education was not a four-year crash course to maximize life earnings.

I've noticed a sharp drop in the number of edmonton bloggers over the last few weeks. Not long ago, as I was living a love-hate relationship with C-town, bloglines was tracking close to 15 blogs that regularly updated. Now, the number is less than five.

It doesn't surprise me though. I always knew it was only a matter of time.

That brings me to another point. Being the 'MSN generation,' as I like to call ourselves, I've come to realize that many of us have split personalities. It never ceizes to amaze me on how different people seem over the net.

Granted that I have not used MSN at all, save the two high school years when social circles were made over it and the number of people on your chatting list was like a hunter's trophy case, I think we can stretch that definition to also include blogging.

Not to say people depict a different picture of themselves intentionally. I always wondered what kind of a person I came across as through this blog. Because I really don't think it's fair to give a different perception of myself than who I really am.

Before someobody mentions on this being a pointless post, I'd disagree. If you have a blog, or chat, or just email, then it's something worth thinking about. And because the net has become such a huge media of communication that anything from personal messaging to million dollar business deals are being done through it, perhaps we should spare a thought as to how we want to come across.

Exam in 4x hours.

Much happened the last week or so and yet nothing has changed. Life moved at the speed of light only to slow down in its absence. What am I talking about?

It's hard to say really. Too many thoughts, such little time.

So, alhumdillalah, I found a job in Edmonton meaning no more Calgary for this workterm.
*sigh*

Perhaps, I should be happy but I feel indifferent. I'm very grateful alhumdulilallah but it seems like such a minute detail at the moment that it's almost irrelevant. If it wasn't 4 something in the morning right now, I'd think of some analogy that relays the insignificance of this event but early morning blogging does have its drawbacks.

Sorry about the confusing post.

I almost had myself convinced that I'm too busy to volunteer with Islam Awareness Week (IAW). I'm the first to admit that my involvement with the MSA over the last year or so has decreased considerably.

While not being on campus for one term every year does contribute to the decline, it certainly is no excuse. What upsets me the most is that sometimes I tend to get carried away.

Recalling those fuzzy memories of a wide-eyed kid in first year, I was just happy to be allowed to volunteer at the IAW booth in CAB. Then through the whisperings of Shaytan or whatever you want to attribute it to, subconsciously I developed this feeling that unless I had a major part in the organization of the event, that somehow I was 'too good' to partake in the 'lesser' roles.

Heck, if Murtada can take longer lunch breaks and show up after work every day to participate when he has a family with two kids, what excuse do I have?

All right, that is it; enough talk!

Insha Allah, I still have two more days of IAW to get involved in. I'm not going to let anyone beat me in this race for hasanaats (rewards).

It's gametime and I'm already down by three goals!!
(for cricket fans, imagine losing 3 wickets on the first 3 balls; for basketball fans, think of it as being down 50-5 at the half; for football maniacs, 2 touchdowns have been scored before your offense even gets their hand on the pigskin)

Only if I had a dollar for each time I heard the phrase: "I want to go work in Dubai after my degree."

Time for some background. Dubai is one of the seven states that forms United Arab Emirates (U.A.E.). Out of these seven states, Dubai and Abu Dhabi are the most developed and well known. I lived in Abu Dhabi for five years before moving to Canada so my perspective is not completely of an outsider. For simplicity's sake and because I'm too lazy to type U.A.E., everytime I refer to Dubai, it means the entire country.

On a superficial level, Dubai certainly does represent the 'modernity' that the Muslim world has been looking for centuries now. The word itself, in the minds of the uneducated masses and the secular self-proclaimed intellectual elites, has become synonymous with tall glass buildings, short skirts, and the like. I find it very interesting when mixed-marathons are staged in Muslim countries and advertised as a symbol of 'progression.' Never mind the rampant corruption and lack of clean water, as long as men and women have the right to run with each other, everything is A-ok.

So it comes as no surpirse that Dubai with its marvelous waterfront skylines, Benzes and BMWs, artificially grown parks, and mind-boggling architectural projects is seen as the 'perfect fusion' between the East and the West. With mosques at every street corner and the melodius sound of Adhan (call to prayer) being echoed five times a day, it certainly is an example for the rest to follow. Or is it?

Modernity does not come through the constructions of the world's tallest building or the most expensive hotel in the shape of a sailboat overlooking crystal blue water, but its essence lies in the treatment of individuals and in our way of thinking. Justice, equality, mutual respect, observance of human rights, etc. are the pillars that a healthy society should be founded on. When I say 'our way of thinking,' I'm referring to whether we don't litter in the street due to the fear of a fine or because Islam tells us that even removing a harmful object from the road is a good deed? Do we pay the correct bus fare even if the bus driver is not looking or not present?

While I have much respect for how far Dubai has come because it's one of the few resource-rich Muslim country that has put the wealth to good use through excellent long term planning, the society itself is hollow.

Over 50% population of Dubai are expatriates, whom have no right to own land, start a business, or appeal as much as a speeding ticket without getting deported. There's an unwritten code of sorts by the government:

Behave yourself, stay out of trouble by not criticizing the government or its policies, know that you are not from Dubai and never will be no matter how long you live here and will always be treated like a second class citizen -- comply with these and we will provide you with the best of opportunities to make money that you didn't have in your home countries.

So, when people begin to detail the achievements of Dubai, I usually try to maintain a smile on my face for it's not nice to 'burst bubbles' though I've been guilty of making a few 'kids cry.'

ps. don't forget to come out to the Human Rights in Islam talk/presentation/Q&A session on this Tuesday at Tory Lecture B1. It's actually a GIVE event in conjunction with MSA and part of Islam Awareness Week but our emailing list has stopped working so we can advertize it properly.

CAIR is giving away free copies of the PBS documentary on the life of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). I haven't seen the entire documentary but really like the fact that many non-Muslim historians were featured giving it more credibility, not in my eyes but among the non-Muslims.

Talking about DVDs, I finally managed to get my hands on the 'special extended version with extra feature 12-CD set of Lord of the Rings.' I've wanted to buy it for a long time but the $120 price tag had a strange way of making me feel guilty.

Even while coughing up $60, I didn't feel too comfortable thinking this money could sponsor two orphans for a month, but it had to be done. But alas, poor Yorick, cruel fate has it such that I have far too much to do than watch a 3-hour long movie, even if it is Lord of the Rings.

But fear not, March 19th has been circled for a LOTR marathon. Anyone and everyone is invited to enjoy 12-hours of hobbity goodness!

I attended my last MAC Youth Give meeting today because I leave after the March event. It seems like eons ago that we met in the basement of al-Rashid; well 1.5 years ago to be exact. The hardest part is realizing I could've done so much more but fell terribly short.

About two years ago, my cricket team comprised of talented, disciplined, and athletic 16-20 year olds took the league by surprise, beating out teams with players that've played on national levels. We ended up winning the championship to everyone's amazement. Many of us are still together but others have moved on but to this day, when I see any of them, we have this unspoken bond and trust. Why?

For the simple reason that we had struggled together against all odds, practiced hard, believed in ourselves when no one gave us a chance. And what did we win in the end?

Some trophy.

We were extremely proud of our achievements when it had literally no benefits other than a 'feel good' factor.

The GIVE board had almost became a second family of sorts. We strove in the way of Allah (swt), spending hours plotting and planning. To be honest, we didn't attain as much success on the surface as we had anticipated, which can be largely attribtuted to be my fault. But now when I look back at it, it's not the fact that we had incredible success that matters.

We worked for the sake of Allah (swt) and insha Allah our 'incredible success' will come through Him too. I'll take that over some trophy any day.

Before somebody decides to ask why I blog this late, I should mention that I'm a big night-person. It's my time to think, to ponder about this and that; anything and everything.

The issue of Mukhtar Mai, a rape victim in Pakistan, has bothered me for quite a while. She was 'ordered' to be raped by the village council to compensate for her brother's action whom was found guilty of befriending the daughter of a landlord.

Obviously, the case was blown wide open and presented as another case of how women are mis-treated in the Islamic world.

One of the legacies of the colonial rule left behind in most countries and especially the Muslim ones, is the removal of self-belief. As a result, the laws that were brought in during the 18th century colonial times still form the basis for most justice systems. Terribly outdated even at the time of conception, they have now become obsolete and should have long been sent the way of mullets ie. into extinction.

In Pakistan, three different kind of rules govern the land. The first one is a mixture of colonial and archaic regulations not even fit to govern a tribe of gorillas followed by the Islamic courts and lastly the un-recognized village councils or more appropriately the 'council of the idiots.' These councils make decisions based on hundreds of years of cultural practices that are so far from logic that it truly boggles the mind.

Coming back to the Mukhtar Mai story. Many a newspapers and media were quick to label this practice a product of Islamic societies. What many don't know is that after the rape, the one man who fought tooth and nail to bring the case to the attention of NGOs and women right groups when the entire village refused to act in fear was none other than an imam (the leader of the mosque).

After the involvement of authorities and the issue going international, the suspects were quickly arrested only to be released for 'insufficient evidence.' The case was then brought infront of the Islamic courts, which found the men guilty and ordered the death penalty. But this decision was overturned by the secular civil courts once again.

Shazia Khalid was a doctor in the army who was raped by a superior officer. Her claim was denied and she was actually labeled a 'prostitute' in order to tarnish her reputation.

Why in the world would a Muslim woman claim to be raped when she wasn't? Considering the stigma that's attached to rape victims, I think any woman that comes forward should be believed outright.

No doubt, these women are victims who need support from the community instead of being ostracized. I truly don't understand why the society shuns them? So what if she was raped? If anything, we should have people *fighting* over who gets to marry or take care of them.

Unable to decide on what to talk about in my 5-minute talk infront of the class leading to even performing istikharaa and finally settling on:

Double Standards in 'Freedom of Expression' as shown by Danish Cartoon Controversy

I realize it's quite a large topic to cover in five minutes but with the issue refusing to die down, this is the least I can do. The way I look at it, even if I get across to just 10% of the class, meaning about three people, it would be more than worth it.

I entered a 3 minute improv competition yesterday; well, it was more like I walked in to watch the competition and next thing I knew my name was written down to speak last. Earlier, many people had inquired as to whether I was taking part in the competition, convinced that I would easily win because of a few good performances in my improv class.

But as it turns out, I couldn't pull it together when it actually mattered. In my defense, I had the strangest topic to work with:

Estimate the Average Lifespan of a University Professor

All I had were 3 minutes to prepare and I couldn't think of anything. So, I walked infront of the entire audience along with the 4 judges, all of whom were professors by the way, and winged it!

I had a feeling that I'm not the victor after claiming that the 'average age of UofA university professors is 80 and that more than half of them should be be forced to retire.'

Or perhaps they didn't like the fact that I think 'most professors look like characters from Lord of the Rings -- and I'm not talking about Aragon.'

So, in short, I lost out on $200 but more importantly, I have to re-evaluate my public speaking now. Maybe record myself or something.

On a different note, what are you thinking about?